The holidays are often painted as the “most wonderful time of the year,” brimming with joy, connection, and optimism for the future. Social media, Hallmark movies, and even well-meaning friends and family reinforce the idea that this period should be filled with endless happiness. But what happens when reality doesn’t align with these high expectations?
What Is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is the belief that we should maintain a positive mindset at all costs, suppressing any feelings of sadness, frustration, or grief. While positivity in itself isn’t harmful, toxic positivity may dismiss genuine emotions. During the holidays, this can manifest in phrases like:
- “Cheer up, it’s Christmas!”
- “You have so much to be thankful for.”
While these sentiments might come from a place of good intentions, they often dismiss deeper struggles, such as the grief of missing loved ones, financial stress, or feelings of loneliness. For BIPOC communities, toxic positivity can be especially harmful as it disregards the systemic issues—such as racism, classism, and intergenerational trauma—that uniquely impact mental health. When systemic barriers and generational struggles are ignored in favor of blanket positivity, it invalidates the lived realities of marginalized groups and erases the complexities of their emotional experiences.
How Toxic Positivity Shows Up During the Holidays
The holiday season is rife with opportunities for toxic positivity. Social gatherings might pressure you to act merry when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Family traditions can bring up unresolved conflicts. Even the commercialized ideal of the “perfect holiday” can make you feel inadequate if your life doesn’t match up.
For BIPOC individuals, these challenges can be compounded by the weight of systemic inequalities. Financial stress, rooted in broader economic disparities, may feel particularly acute during this time of year. The holidays can also resurface the pain of intergenerational trauma, which is often invalidated by the demand to “stay positive” or “focus on the good.” Furthermore, the notion that joy must override all other emotions can be alienating for those grappling with social injustices, microaggressions, or the effects of racism that do not simply “take a break” for the holidays.
Moreover, as we approach a significant presidential transition, many marginalized communities face heightened anxiety about the potential ramifications of political shifts. The burden of navigating these realities while simultaneously being told to embrace holiday cheer can feel especially heavy.
One particular version of toxic positivity appears right as the year ends. The “New Year, New Me” mantra often encourages people to set ambitious resolutions, sometimes at the expense of self-compassion. The “New Year, New Me” mantra often encourages people to set ambitious resolutions, putting forth a pressure that you must fix yourself by January 1st. For BIPOC folx, this can also serve as a subtle dismissal of the systemic challenges that persist year after year, irrespective of personal effort or mindset shifts.
How to Navigate the Season Authentically
Instead of falling into the trap of toxic positivity, consider the following suggestions:
- Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions. Gratitude and grief can coexist, just as joy and stress can. Give yourself permission to sit with those feelings without judgment.
- Set Realistic Expectations: The “perfect holiday” is a myth. Instead of aiming for perfection, focus on what genuinely brings you comfort and happiness.
- Redefine New Year’s Resolutions: Instead of making drastic changes, consider setting intentions rooted in gradual growth. For example, replace “I need to lose 20 pounds” with “I want to prioritize my health in ways that feel sustainable.”
- Create Space for Others’ Emotions: If someone shares that they’re struggling, resist the urge to “fix” their feelings with platitudes. Instead, offer a listening ear and acknowledge their experience.
- Prioritize Rest and Boundaries: The holiday hustle can be draining. Allow yourself to rest and set boundaries that protect your energy, even if it means saying no to invitations or scaling back on obligations.
Wrapping Up
The holiday season and New Year’s resolutions don’t have to be about forcing happiness or chasing unattainable goals. By embracing authenticity and giving yourself permission to feel all your emotions, you can navigate this time with greater ease and meaning.
